Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Going Bananas

I recieved a random forward email yesterday about, of all things, bananas. Now, while I've been an avid, daily banana-eater since grade 5, I was alarmed at some of the things that this powerful fruit can do. And here I thought they were just good for comic relief in Warner Bros. Cartoons.


maybe Warhol was on to something unfallic...

Not only can they support political and economically unstable Central American countries, but there are some 45, 308 banana bread recipes. They're a healthy, sustainable foodstuff for dictators and moms everywhere! Awesome!

Among some of the mighty banana's super powers:

  • They're an anti-depressent
  • A high source of potassium, B6, and B3
  • Good for hangovers (my post-puking nutrition has almost always consisted of some combination of bananas and peanut butter on toast)
  • Can help you quit smoking (is it the oral fixation?)
  • They've been used to support building sub-structures
  • Are good for a quiet night in, alone

And apparently a lone banana saved the Earth from a Texas-sized asteroid on course to our collective doom. Wicked!

A few sites worth checking out:

http://www.banana.com/

http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=foodspice&dbid=7

http://www.femhealth.com/BenefitsofBananas.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bananas

http://www.nutritiondata.com/facts-B00001-01c20Tm.html

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Tim Hortons: 317 - Me: nil

There are few times of the year that we really get excited about - birthdays, Christmas, and Roll up the Rim at Tim Hortons. For me, the latter is both a curse and a blessing.

I've been a large steeped tea double-double with milk ever since they introduced the drink. Before that, I'd suffer through the bagged tea but still go to Timmy's at least twice a day. Either way, the few months of oddly decorated cups and rollable rims has always been a time of unceasing joy/bitterness.

Traditionally, the Bingo-like excitement of Roll up the Rim (sorry, Rrrrrrrrrrrroll) is only matched by the tragedy of my perpetual losing streak. From the 4735 or so rims I've rolled, I may have won three or four times, while being able to predict with almost certain clarity, this:


I'm getting used to seeing this...

I'm starting to get used to this...

I've lost count of the number of "Please play again, loser" rims. This year alone, every cup I roll is a complete loser. Today I bought two teas and won zero times, while my girlfriend bought two teas and roll up a free drink twice! Two times to my two losers.

This year is starting to make me more bitter than usual. I have no sympathy for these fools. To think that elsewhere people can fight over rim-winnings in court. Maybe it's because we've all become so desperate from Tim Horton's vye for world domination that one a rare winning rim appears, we war for it.


I'll still buy their shares when they go public on the 24th, but I'm starting to consider buying my tea at Country Style.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

The Tragedy of my Left Ring Finger

My left ring finger is pretty swollen today. It resembles a thumb but with one extra knuckle and a long thin bit before the nail. But you get the picture. If not here's one:


Not my finger, because I'm not in the army. But I know how he feels...

Not my finger, because I'm not in the army. But I know how he feels...

My finger hasn't always had the greatest of intellects. See the timeline below as proof.

Timeline of my finger:

1993 - Grade 7. During a discussion concerning the insignificance of our fleeting existence and something about how much of loser he was, a classmate decided to retort by kicking me. In a true display of daring, my finger threw caution to the wind and single-fingeredly defended by honour. It didn't look pretty.

1995 - While in goal during a thrilling game of foot hockey, instead of using my winter coat to stop the tennis ball, my finger heroically stopped the ball all by itself. Well, let's just say my finger somewhat resembled what is does this morning. For two weeks. That's a lot of foot hockey to miss. Good thing I could still score hat tricks like it was 1991.

Now pretend they're not wearing equipment (except of course a winter coat for the goalies), the ice is actually asphalt, and the stick and puck are replaced with a foot and a tennis ball. There ya go...

Now pretend they're not wearing equipment (except of course a winter coat for the goalie), the ice is actually asphalt, and the stick and puck are replaced with a foot and a tennis ball. There ya go...

2000 - During a rugby practise in OAC (that's grade 13, when it was cool to be in high school for 5 years), my finger claimed glory by attempting to take the ball from an opponent. Unfortunately, my body was trying to tackle the ball carrier. That moment of misjudgment cost me the proper alignment of my finger joints so that my left ring finger existed on a different plane from the rest of my hand.

2002 - Upon walking through a door, my finger fell into one its rare bouts of stubbornness and acted like a dog who doesn't want to cross the street. So, whilst my body passed the door frame without incident, my finger make contact (with great momentum) with the unyielding door jam.

March 14, 2006 - I have seen a pattern above where my finger seems to be at fault for many of its injuries. But last night was the exception. You see, my finger has learned a lot over the years about defending, attacking, and being awesome at foot hockey. So when I was grappling at tae kwon do practise last night and my finger went twist and swell, I immediately realized that my finger was not at fault but actually my opponent's sweat was the culpret. Despite this my finger is still sad, as am I once again.

Now, while injuring yourself is cool and wicked and all that, there are a few things in life that I cannot totally experience with my disabled finger.

  1. I can no longer jam my hand into a brick wall like I used to
  2. I can't play guitar chords that need more than three fingers
  3. And I can't wear a wedding ring

...Or can I? Until now I thought I'd forever remain unmarried (read: free) because no woman would want to wed my hideous beast of a finger. And then I discovered the wonderful world of Superfit!

Oh joy! Now if I could only just jam my hand into a wall or find a game of foot hockey, I'd be happy.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Intellectual Property Fraud

I told a joke today. Rare as the occasion is, it was pretty funny and I was told by Tricia to "put it on yo blog, homey." I considered it for a moment and then rebutted with a "No."

Why, do you ask?

First, strokes of genius are often fleeting, especially when they're not immediately written down by a secretary (which I don't have), spoken into a recorder (which I don't have), or sculpted into a block of limestone (which I forgot to bring with me to work). So, just like that, it was gone.

Secondly, I believe that to vainly attempt to reproduce said joke onto this blog, it would bastardize and undermine the whole essence of the joke, thereby reducing it's inherent humour so that anyone who reads it here would never be able to appreciate or truly experience that moment of pure brilliance. And it wouldn't be as funny either.

Third, since as of publishing this blog, the only people who read it are Tricia and my girlfriend Liz. Thus, 50% of my audience has already heard the joke and the other half would laugh at me instead.

So, my joke is not going to appear here. That's for the best anyway, because I've forgotten most of it anyway.